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Trump’s Cabinet may be having a very different experience on the porcelain throne than the rest of America.

Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and Vice President JD Vance are among the senior officials embracing a diet that promises weight loss, glowing skin — and, perhaps most eyebrow-raising of all, “nearly orgasmic” poops.

Yes, really. That’s how going No. 2 should feel, according to Dr. Sean O’Mara, who developed the eating plan he says primes the gut to produce bowel movements that are fast, odorless and even wipe-free.

“When you start eating healthy, you don’t need toilet paper,” O’Mara told the New York Times Magazine. “Animals in the wild have no residual stool on their anus.”

The emergency medicine physician turned health optimization expert has followed his so-called “living carnivore diet” for a decade and claims it’s transformed his life — including his trips to the bathroom.

“I could have a bowel movement behind a sheet at a dinner party in the corner of the room,” he said, “and nobody would know.”

The meal plan in question requires followers to ditch sugar, alcohol and heavily processed foods in favor of grass-fed meat and fermented fare like sauerkraut and kimchi.

Other staples include eggs, pickles, yogurt and berries. For snacks, O’Mara recommends “old world cheese,” including Gorgonzola and Parmesan.

The physician claims his signature diet improves digestion, boosts the gut microbiome and melts away visceral fat — the deep abdominal fat that surrounds internal organs.

Kennedy, 72, reportedly adopted the diet last year after meeting O’Mara and has credited it with helping him lose 20 pounds, ease chronic aches and pains and eliminate symptoms of atrial fibrillation.

The physician claims his signature diet improves digestion, boosts the gut microbiome and melts away visceral fat — the deep abdominal fat that surrounds internal organs.

Vance later joined in at Kennedy’s recommendation. The vice president adopted the diet for Lent earlier this year and, according to the health secretary, has stuck with it ever since.

Other converts in Washington include Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy and Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, the Wall Street Journal reported in June.

The growing list of devotees comes as gut health has become a leading wellness trend, with foods like sauerkraut enjoying a major resurgence. The tangy fermented cabbage — long relegated to hot dogs and deli sandwiches — has reclaimed a starring role on dinner plates thanks to its mix of prebiotics and probiotics.

“I could have a bowel movement behind a sheet at a dinner party in the corner of the room and nobody would know.”

Those beneficial compounds are produced during fermentation, when bacteria break down the natural sugars in cabbage.

Working alongside cabbage’s prebiotic fiber, probiotics and their byproducts help support a diverse gut microbiome, which plays an important role in digestion, nutrient absorption and immune function.

Experts say regularly eating fermented foods like sauerkraut may support digestive health, weight management and reduced inflammation.